yes, the dreaded stomach flu found me this week, or maybe it was Monday night's add-as-you -go meatloaf recipe that did me in. Neither of the other 2 humans in the house who ate said meatloaf have had any problems, however, so I am still thinking it was the flu, although I did have to relive that meatloaf a number of times, and not in a pleasant way...
So, in times of weakness in body (the flu) or mind (being tired, stressed, etc), or both (being stressed and tired with the flu, for example), I find myself doubly questioning my decisions about life, the universe and everything. (which is the title of an awesome book by the way if you haven't read it, by Douglas Adams.) I want to live my life by looking forward to doing whatever it is I have to do tomorrow, not by dreading it. That was the main reason I took the huge step to quit my stable job. I have been working another job, being a resident assistant at an assisted living home, part time but for a lot of hours this past month, and I like it, it is much different than anything I have ever done. I love the residents, and the co workers are very nice and helpful too.
Calling in sick at a new job of course is always an uncomfortable issue, and so, even though I felt sicker than a dog, I did go in on Tuesday morning. I got sick at work, but managed to make it through serving breakfast to the residents (yum...NOT.) My supervisor came up around 9 as I was making notes in a file and asked how I was, so I explained the "I have the flu and got sick, feel terrible, etc" scenario going on. She was very understanding and said she'd find someone to cover and viola, I could go home. I was surprised, not thinking that would be as painless as it was. I did go home, for the record, and spent the next 13 or so hours achy and feverish in bed, half sleeping. I worked the next day, feeling a bit better, just very tired. Had today off, but around 4 I start feeling a bit nauseous again, maybe because I actually ate dinner after 2.5 days of drinking only Gatorade or tea and eating applesauce and 2 bananas. I had some soup. It did not sit well. I began needing to spend more time in the bathroom. I called and said I would not be in tomorrow.
Here is where it gets sad, I could tell the change in the tone of voice immediately, from "you are a good worker Julie," to "I am so disappointed in you, you are not a very dedicated worker Julie." However, I did not want to go in yet again feeling like crap and being miserable. So, in between bathroom visits all night tonight since 9:30 when I went to bed, I have tossed and turned and had stressful, weird dreams that involved my past job, this new one and various co workers from each one. So, here I sit, at nearly the time I have to get up and go to work but now don't have to since I had called in the night before, still with bodily function issues and still with a stress headache and tight shoulders and a rolling stomach, questioning if I even want to keep the NEW job. I know it is important to be at work, they depend on employees to get the job done, and I know that in a healthcare situation, coverage needs to be found if somebody is going to be out. However, if a person does not feel well and it would do the body a great favor by allowing it to REST a day or so to get better, why do employers make it seem as though you should still come in and suffer like the martyr you apparently should be?
I do NOT want to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty if I don't feel well and would like to stay home from whatever job I may have to recover, and I don't want to have to feel like I have to go to work even if I feel like $!*^. Life is too short for that. I want a life where if I am feeling under the weather, I can take the day (or half the day) to relax and give my body the care and restoration time it needs. Apparently those in health care don't care so much about the health of the employees. So now, here I am, dreading the next time I have to go to work at my NEW job, even though it is over 2 weeks away (since we are going on vacation next week until Dec 28) and THAT makes me very unhappy and frustrated. I don't want to spend my first leaving-the -house-and-going-somewhere-interesting vacation in over 9 years dreading coming back to work. But, it seems as though that is exactly what I apparently will be doing.
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